Welcome and Full Inclusion Presentation

Welcome and Full Inclusion: what is it? why do it? why now? what are the impacts and experiences of those churches that have done it?

I was recently asked how long our church had been having this conversation, and I realized there are a number of ways to answer that question. In a way, I feel like we’ve been having this conversation since Paul and I first came here as pastors more than 17 years ago. In the search process, we were asked our stance on homosexuality, and we put all our cards on the table, saying from the outset that we personally believed in full inclusion for gays and lesbians in all aspects of church life, including ordination and marriage. One of the first questions we were asked by church members was: “Are you going to make this an issue?” And we said, “No…. Not yet.”

In our 17 years, we’ve come to know this congregation as an incredibly accepting, loving, and inclusive place. Part of that sense of acceptance has meant an unwillingness to make statements as a congregation that not everyone would agree on. We have an incredible range of opinions on everything from politics to theology to worship and everything in between, and we’ve been committed to being a loving, accepting community of people who don’t have to agree on everything.

Over the years, the question about how to have this conversation has bubbled up at various times, in various parts of our congregation. When we’ve had gay couples come to our church, they have felt welcomed and yet they have been hesitant to stand up together in front of the congregation and become official members, as a couple, or to sit together for a church photo directory picture – because our congregation hasn’t had an explicit statement about our stance and practice. We’ve had transgender people who have felt loved and accepted here but have wondered if that would change if people knew they were transgender. We’ve had church members who have come out to people in other areas of their lives but who haven’t felt certain enough of our church’s stance to come out here. We’ve had university students, accustomed to the very explicit policies of the university, ask why we couldn’t be more obvious and intentional in our outreach and welcome. We’ve had parents of gay and lesbian children who have wanted to feel their church loved and accepted their children as much as they did.

Last fall, Paul and I began to meet with three church families who had raised these issues and questions with us many times over the years. Not coincidentally, all three families included young adult children who grew up in this church, were deeply involved in youth group, are now involved in campus ministry, and who have all been involved in leadership. The twelve of us met during the fall and winter to try to put together a process for having a congregation-wide conversation about this. We looked at how other churches had done this, read through documents other churches had produced, studied all kinds of resources. We also had conversations with various people in our congregation, to try to listen to where people are on this issue. In late February, we went to the Executive Council to ask for endorsement to become an official church working group, so that we could bring this conversation to the whole congregation. The Executive Council asked good questions, made good comments, and was supportive of our church having this discussion.

The intent of our working group had been to begin rolling out communications in early March, to let all of you know we wanted to have this conversation starting after Easter. But before we could do that, I ended up having a medical emergency that resulted in hospitalization and emergency surgery, and that threw everything off for both Paul and me. Our working group lost a whole month because of that, and by the time we were able to reconvene in early April, the question we had to wrestle with was, do we proceed as planned, having these conversations in April, May, and June, with little advance notice, or do we push things off until the fall?

Knowing that we aren’t going to go forward with any kind of vote unless a significant majority of the congregation feels ready to take this step, we decided to push forward. Scheduling congregation-wide series is a very tricky thing in our congregation, and we felt the timing of this was right. Equally importantly, we felt the momentum was there. If we discover the time is not right to take a vote and take action, then we can keep having further conversation until the time feels right. The working group had one additional conversation with the Executive Council and then announced the series in the newsletter.

All of this is to explain why, after years of conversations in various quarters of the congregation, this congregation-wide conversation may seem to be happening “all of a sudden.” That was not our intent, and we apologize to anyone who may feel taken by surprise. At the same time, we still feel the series of events and conversations we have planned represents a healthy, transparent, inclusive process, and we are excited by the energy and openness we have felt. Thank you to all of you who are here for these conversations. We value your listening and we value your contribution.

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The first thing we want to do this morning in talking about welcome and full inclusion in the church is to define what we mean.

Regarding definitions, I first want to be clear what we mean when we say LGBTQ. The first four letters, as I’m sure you know, stand for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. The Q can stand for “questioning” – those people who are still wrestling with their orientation or identity – and it can also stand for “queer” – a term that has been claimed in a positive way by sexual minorities of all kinds. Sometimes you will see other letters after the Q – LGBTQIA. The “I” stands for “intersex,” and the “A” can stand for either “allies” or “asexual.” Sometimes you will just see the acronym as LGBTQ+. The number of letters in the acronym seems to keep growing. I’ve heard people in the majority express frustration or bemusement about this, but it’s important to remember that these letters represent actual people. And it’s also an important reminder to us that the human experience is vast and multidimensional.

I think most of us understand that sexual orientation has to do with who a person is romantically and/or sexually attracted to. Gender identity and expression is not the same thing as sexual orientation. It has to do with identity – who a person understands himself or herself to be. A transgender person is someone whose gender identity or expression differs from their biological sex characteristics.

So those are the basic definitions of what we’re talking about when we say “LGBTQ.” Now let’s talk about what we mean by “welcoming and full inclusion.”

All churches say they are welcoming. What that means, though, becomes more apparent in their practices and attitudes. What exactly are welcoming people into?

In our church, in both practice and attitude, we welcome anyone to attend. Likewise with membership. Our only “qualification” for church membership is the confession of Jesus Christ as Lord, symbolized in baptism. We don’t ask for anything more than that. We have no other test for membership.

But are all areas of church life open to all church members? When talking about welcome and full inclusion of members of the LGBTQ community, we aren’t talking about welcoming people to attend the church and officially join the church. We are talking about explicit inclusion in all areas of church life.

Specifically, there are two areas of church life where welcome and inclusion must be explicit if we really mean it.

1 – Leadership, including ordained ministry

2 – Marriage and family

The fact is, we have welcomed members of the LGBTQ community into leadership and on staff. We have even ordained gay men and lesbians, though they weren’t openly so at the time. Those individuals went from here to have effective, fruitful ministry. Would we take those ordinations back if we knew then what we know now? And if a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender member of this congregation were to feel called to professional Christian ministry, would we consider ordaining him or her?

Regarding marriage and family, your pastors have the freedom to marry same-sex couples and one of them has done so – but we have not done so in our sanctuary (which hasn’t been asked). If a member of this congregation wanted to get married to his or her partner of the same sex in this sanctuary, would we allow it? If a member of the community wanted to rent this sanctuary – as many people do – to marry his or her partner of the same sex, would we allow it?

When we talk about Welcome and Full Inclusion, these are the kinds of questions we are specifically asking ourselves, as a congregation. In addition to those specific questions, I think we should also consider these:

• Would a same-sex couple feel comfortable publicly joining the church (standing up in front of the congregation)?
• If a same-sex couple joined the church and brought their baby to be dedicated, would we welcome that child for dedication?
• Would a same-sex couple feel comfortable being pictured together in our church directory?
• Would a child or youth who discovers s/he is transgender feel the love, welcome, and support of this congregation?
• Would any member of the LGBTQ community feel safe in and welcomed by our congregation?

 

Those are the questions we are trying to answer as we consider the possibility of approving a Welcoming Statement.

To talk about “welcoming” is really to talk about outreach, so it makes sense for me now to turn it over to Marissa.

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As the chair of the Board of Outreach, I share with you the three goals that constitute our committee’s vision.

One: Neighborliness – Reaching out to our neighborhood and our neighbors.

One of the reasons I am so passionate about this church is because this community – you people – have changed my life. You have helped me discover purpose. You have helped me develop my talents – in teaching kids, in leadership, in fundraising, in mission work to help others.

Did you know we have a Core Purpose Statement? It’s found on our website: “We are an American Baptist Church in Ann Arbor that provides a welcoming, inspiring place for seekers, believers, doers, and dreamers of all ages who want to find meaning and community during a time of changing social, political, and cultural tides.”

Meaning and community. You people have given me meaning and community. A supportive youth ministry, a campus ministry community, at times when I was lost or stressed or struggling. You have given me mentors, peers, friends, family.

Did you know that lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth are almost five times more likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth? Did you know that 40% of transgender adults report having made a suicide attempt? Someone else may be seeking this meaning and community, these mentors, these peers, these friends, this family. Are we reaching that person?

Two: Hospitality – Responding with Christ’s warmth and grace to all who enter this building.

I had my 16th birthday party in the Fellowship Hall of this church, and my best friend at the time, who was gay, joked that he wouldn’t be able to come to my party because it would be held in a church. This is religion for many people in the LGBTQ+ community. It is unwelcoming. It is scary. It has preached to people that their identity is wrong.

Why? Why do we feel so uncomfortable around people who are different than ourselves? The answer is long, and I’d argue that it’s not something that’s inevitable. It is socially constructed. It is institutionalized. I once read this: “The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.” We all stereotype. We all make assumptions. Yes, you, and me, too. It is the natural way that our brain jumps to and draws conclusions. But we are reflections of our upbringings, our culture, our experiences, and our surroundings.

Are you discriminated against because of your skin color? Have you had to “come out”? Do you identify as a different gender than the sex you were assigned at birth? Have you been catcalled, or sexually harassed, or sexually assaulted? Do you go to bed hungry? Do you have to hide, or distance yourself, or be self-conscious about any of your identities? Do you have to feel the pressures or balance the weight of multiple of these identities? I’m guessing most of your answers are “no.” Because we are any of these things: white, a man, financially stable, able-bodied, heterosexual, cisgender – meaning the same gender as the sex we were assigned at birth, we have more power than we may know. It is called privilege. It is real.

Privilege is being said to have “leadership skills” versus being labeled as “bossy.” It is not having our sexual assault blamed on what we were wearing.

Privilege is being pulled out of line in airport security and knowing we haven’t been singled out due to our race. It is being able to sit and wait for a friend in a Starbucks coffee shop without being arrested for it. It is being able to ask for directions in an unfamiliar neighborhood without being shot.

Privilege is not having to worry that our decision to use a restroom will upset others. It is having people call us by the pronouns by which we want to be called. It is being able to be called as a pastor or marry the person we love, without any hesitation, in any church.

Privilege does not discount hard work. It does not discount accomplishments. But it does mean that in this society, our identities determine opportunities for hard work and potential barriers to accomplishments.

I challenge us not to feel guilty, but to maintain awareness of the privileges from which we benefit. In order to progress, to be more equitable, more just, we must commit ourselves to unlearning. By unlearning, I mean being open and willing to listen to others’ perspectives, change our minds, and not get defensive or offended. Considering the privilege we have – the real benefits that society affords us by placing value on certain aspects of our identity – is a start. But moreover, we can use this privilege – this power for good. To advocate for others who cannot effectively or safely advocate on their own. Is this not what Jesus did?

When my friend expressed discomfort at the mere notion of visiting a church building, I responded to him, “oh no, my church is not like that.” But those words feel empty. They are not enough. If we are truly open to others, to diversity, to all people – they are not enough. How are we not “like that,” unless we actively advocate for historically oppressed, currently marginalized groups, people for whom society has not afforded the same privileges it has afforded us? How are we not “like that,” unless we state, advertise, and shout from the rooftops what we are like?

That friend, and many other friends, taught me that people of a different sexual orientation or gender identity than my own experience the same happiness, the same heartbreak, the same spirituality, the same love. Being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or any other identity is not a choice. It is not a phase. It is not a lifestyle. It is natural, it is God-given, and it is beautiful.

Three: visibility – Raising awareness of our congregation within our community, as a way of raising awareness of the love of God for our world.

I share with you that Ann Arbor’s non-discrimination ordinance was put into place in 1972. Ann Arbor was one of the first communities in the country to add protections that prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. And yet, 40 years later, these protections have not expanded statewide or nationwide, and certainly not to the institution of the church.

I do not want to live in a culture where this is the norm. I do not want people to be able to blame intolerance on their religion. If I had not grown up in this church and grown to know the intellectual progressivism that is preached, the openness of the people here, and the ambitious women in leadership, I can tell you that I may not have come here. When someone asks me what church I go to, I immediately supplement the name “First Baptist Church” with a description of our faith community.

Our church is regarded for welcoming in other avenues. We serve a meal in this building to anyone in need every week. We helped start the Groundcover newspaper. We let people who are cold take shelter in our building and on our property. These things do not go unnoticed. But by not taking this next step, we close ourselves off to potential newcomers, to diversity.

Diversity creates thriving communities. It brings together creative and driven minds, a collaboration of different perspectives, skills, and abilities. It inspires, motivates, and celebrates. It increases productivity and vitality, and enhances our understanding of the world. Diversity means nothing without, not just tolerance, but full acceptance and inclusion. The future of our church community depends on this.

I grew up knowing that equality, equity, and justice was right. It is right! It is no secret that I am an advocate for this process. I have mentioned it from the pulpit every time I’ve gotten the chance. Were you listening? Are you listening? You will get a chance next month to listen further, as we center the voices of those that have dealt with this fight firsthand. I want this for our church. It will make a difference in the lives of others. It will place value on each person who enters our doors as an individual worth loving fully and faithfully. It will create truly radical hospitality.

I can’t wait for future generations to see a little less bigotry and inequality than we’ve seen, for them to gawk that there was ever a judicial system or broader religious culture so blatantly discriminatory and unjust. This is long overdue, not just here, but across our state, across our denomination, across our culture, and across our country.

Legalizing same-sex marriage did not end the struggle for the LGBTQ+ community nationwide. Becoming welcoming and fully inclusive will not end the struggle here. That time is still to come. But I believe that change starts with us – in our communities, in our families, in our churches. By showing we care about equality, equity, and justice. By showing we can and we will advocate for oppressed groups, as Jesus would do. It is bold, it is brave, and it is right.