It was my grandmother who taught me how not to be afraid.
As a child, I was afraid of everything – the dark, the thunder, the ocean, the bogeyman.Nothing my parents said to me could put my little mind at ease.That’s the way fear is.It does not listen to reason.It can take on a life of its own.My fear was huge.
When I was eight years old, my grandmother moved in with us.The first year she lived with us, she slept on a daybed in the living room.That Christmas Eve, though, she came and slept with me, because the Christmas tree was in the living room and she wanted to stay out of Santa’s way.She and I lay there in my bed that night in the dark, looking up at the ceiling and whispering to each other while the rest of the house slept.I felt so safe with her there, until she started to fall asleep.Then all my fears started kicking in, until I couldn’t stand it anymore and I finally cried out, “Granna, I’m scared!”
Granna didn’t try to tell me all the good and rational reasons not to be afraid:our neighborhood was safe, our doors were locked, our dog would protect us.She didn’t try to talk me out of my fear.She didn’t even tell me that Christmastime was no time for a little girl to be scared.Instead she taught me a Bible verse.“What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.Psalm 56:3.”She had me say it just like that, over and over, till I knew it by heart.I lay there, staring into the dark, saying those words aloud, partly rhyme, partly prayer, until I knew not just the words, but a little bit of what they meant too.Somehow, saying I trusted made it already sort of true.
The same thing happens when we speak the words of Psalm 23.When do we recite this psalm?When we’re scared, when we’re sad, when we’re grieving, when we’re down to our last hope.Yet what we say is this:I shall not want.I fear no evil.My cup runs over.
In the midst of our worst times, we make these affirmations that run counter to what our situation tells us is reality.This psalm has such power partly because the psalmist puts these truths in the declarative.The psalmist doesn’t pat us on the hand and sweetly tell us “Do not fear.God is with you.”The psalmist doesn’t tell us all the good reasons it is silly to be scared or sad.Instead the psalmist acknowledges that we humans can end up stumbling through some very dark valleys.He states that reality and then declares, and invites us to declare with him, “I shall not fear!You are with me!”Somehow, saying it makes it already partly true.
I no longer fear the dark, the thunder, the ocean, the bogeyman.For the most part, my fears are more “adult” now.I fear for my husband’s future.I fear surgery, I fear permanent disability, I fear the loss of the life we knew and loved.I fear these losses for him, for me, and for all of you.What is our shared future going to look like?
Beyond what’s going on in my and his world right now, life gives us so many reasons to be afraid.Terrorism.War.Random violence.Financial setback.Illness.Life is so fragile.
There are plenty of reasons to be afraid, and more than enough reasons to grieve.Terrible things happen in our world, and we are vulnerable to them.Even if nothing tragic were ever to happen in our lives, to be human means at least this: we are all going to die, and so is everyone we love.
The psalmist knows all this.He doesn’t try to convince us otherwise.He doesn’t pretend.He acknowledges that awful shadow. He acknowledges the reality of enemies.He acknowledges that sometimes life gets almost as dark as death.But what he knows is that there’s something more.
With the dark shadow hanging over us all, the psalmist puts words in our mouths that change everything:I shall not want.I fear no evil, for God is with me!God is my comfort.God provides for me in the midst of all trouble.My cup runs over!The psalmist grabs us by the chin, turns our head, and points our eyes towards all the goodness, all the mercy that follows us.“Yes, see the shadow,” the psalmist says, “it’s dark, it’s awful, it’s scary, it’s real.But look!Look at what else is here.Look at all this goodness.Look at all this mercy.Look at how the Holy One is right here with you!Look at all this beautiful, beautiful life.”
In the midst of life, we are in death, the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer tells us.
Yes, but in the midst of death, we are in life! the psalmist reminds us.
There is so much death all around us.But there is so much life!Look around.Babies are born, and people fall in love, the sun keeps on rising, and flowers will soon be pushing up through the earth, children laugh, choirs sing, sea turtles lay their eggs, neighbors do small kindnesses for one another, and the world keeps on turning towards a new day.Life just bursts forth all over the place.Terrible things happen, but so many beautiful things are happening too, all of them signs of God’s continuing goodness and mercy.
Be grateful.Take none of this for granted.God’s goodness is everywhere.God’s mercy is all around.Our cups overflow.The world is so beautiful.Life is so beautiful.Fear is a choice.So is gratitude.So is trust.
When life gets very dark, when the world gets very scary, it helps to speak the words of our faith, even if we have to do it through gritted teeth.We don’t say those words alone.We say them with the psalmist, we say them with our grandmothers, we say them with all the saints.
Why not say the words again?Say them now, or say them in the dark before you sleep.Say them as you accept the gifts of the table God has set before us.Say them aloud, or say them in the quiet of your own heart.Though I walk through the valley of the shadow, I fear no evil, for You are with me.I fear no evil, for You are with me. I fear no evil, for You are with me.Maybe you will find what I have found, that saying it makes it feel already true.Because it is.
